[curiosity killed the cat, but] Satisfaction brought him back...

Thunderstorm, 13C (12C)

Lately, I've really been getting a kick out of gratitude. Being thankful for various things gives me real pleasure. Enjoying the pleasures I experience compounds them. I've been getting increasingly strong inklings to this effect for some time, but this past week, especially, has really beaten the point home. It's well beyond trite aphorisms about joy and thankfulness. It makes me happy. And I know it does--which makes me even happier. Because I've done a lot of hard work, I can find something to be thankful for no matter what ; which means I can be my own sustainable source of happiness, at any given moment and in any given situation--which has been a long-term goal for a very, very long time. Even when I'm miserable, I feel confident that I can find my back back to this.

Another thing I've really been enjoying is not being the type to panic. It's really fantastic! I honestly can't remember the last time I panicked, but I don't think I really appreciated what a fabulous trait that is until recently. It's really powerful because it's like a magical shield against everything that weakens those things we need most in a crisis. And I just don't have to worry about it. The more shit is flying and the more that's blowing up around me the calmer I get. Even my complaining is almost totally detached from my actual mindset.

Anyway, thank God, Golden Week is here. And off to a proper start with anime and a thunderstorm. Since I'm only on about 4 hours of sleep for the last 24 hours, I don't plan to stay up much longer, but so far, things are good. Life is good, for the time being. I like that I can see that.

I'll have plenty to do with myself, and having done that cleaning up on my unscheduled day off last week, my space is much more pleasant. I am so easily influenced by my environment.... But anyway, books, a very little anime, movies, various Internet things, and I'm still planning on going to the Kariyushi live [the day after] tomorrow.... I'm looking forward to my week of seclusion, actually.

Two notes about [the power of] language

Partly sunny, 16C (17)

Okay, I've been meaning to post about these two phrases for a really long time ; I think it's about time I just do it, already.

• The first is a phrase used by the orthodox Jewish community (and also by the orthodox Muslim community this phrase is used but with a wider application, but I don't think I've heard it from the various Christian sects), in English, it is most often translated to : God willing. This is sortof an entreaty--when you've made a plan that you want to see through or you're hoping something will work out a certain way in the future, etc, you say this. It occurred to me that many of the same people who say this phrase are also people who believe strongly in and are awaiting a cataclysmic change in circumstances, such as the coming of moshiach** or somesuch. And it also occurred to me that the people who say this phrase and are waiting eagerly for a time when whatever plans they've made will be rendered obsolete may just be the ones delaying what they're waiting for. Their plans are good and sound and they're usually people of faith and action, if God is going to acquiesce to anyone it's probably going to be these people--who beg and plead for one thing and out of the other side of their mouth they ask for it to be delayed, so they can complete this or that planned action...
  
  In their minds, God is a character that wants good--good thought and good action--and they do their damnedest to be a conduit for that good, though their words and the sweat of their brows ; they want to be able to do more good and actively seek it. Their good, and their efforts to bring it about, would not be such a feat once, for example, moshiach arrives. They say "God willing" hoping that they will live to see it happen, that nothing untoward or nonnegotiable will confront them and their plans. But if God wills their intentions to be born unmolested, to come across without a hitch, God also wills that moshiach doesn't come, yet. Which do they really want more? The glorification of themselves, or what's good for all of mankind?
  
  I used to think this must be a very pious thing to say and tried to incorporate it into my own speech when discussing future plans, dreams/intentions or ambitions but since I realized it's actually a curse, I use it very sparingly and usually to highlight some element of cautious hope in the face of a less-likely reality.



• The next is a phrase used by people with manners in Japanese : okage sama de. Which is often translated in English as "thanks" but is so much a better response to compliments and iresome remarks about chopstick-proficiency. Now, I actually enjoy receiving compliments [at least sometimes I do whereas I used to never be able to appreciate it]. This phrase adresses all of my problems with compliments by throwing them back at the speaker. okage sama de means basically, "it's your doing" or "by your grace". Imagine the exchange below :
  
  A: nihongo jouzu! (your Japanese is good!)
  B: okage sama de (it's because of you)
  
  Nobody can assess whether someone's language proficiency is really good or not, or how good it is or isn't based on two or three short utterances. This phrase also realizes a very important reality--what's good or bad in someone else's eyes is dependent on them and actually has very little to do with you or the item being complimented. Compliments are not what I was taught they are. In the above example, my ability to use good Japanese depends on the person I'm talking with--are they asking questions I can answer, are they speaking so that I can understand them (with grammar, vocabulary, speed and pronunciation I can handle and respond to), etc. I can have the exact same conversation with two different people and it can go two completely different ways--it's not that I've changed so much going from one to the other, it's because of my interlocutor.
  
  If my hairstyle is appealing to someone, that says nothing about me and everything about them. I also use this phrase for fantastically satisfying ironic effect when complimented for something totally ridiculous (e.g., being able to use chopsticks), or something I really have zero responsibility for (e.g., having blue eyes) ; I use this phrase and immediately my initial reaction--of rejection of the remark and irritation with it's source--is relieved. I absolutely adore this phrase, okage sama de, and I use it very often. I really wish English had something closer to it's nuance--"thanks" or even "thank you" doesn't quite cover it. But almost.

**defined as an era wherein human nature has become perfect--people are not greedy or insecure, etc. Rainbows and flowers and righteous justice that doesn't need to be inflicted on anyone for anything because people are just and righteous anyway.