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Light rainshower, 27C (33C)
T -20 days
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My dream was to feel safe/secure, loved/useful, and happy. I haven't accomplished it.
On a related note, WTF, ppl, WTF? I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with this pile of shit. Am I supposed to play with it? Am I supposed to shape it into something that doesn't look like shit (but still is)? Am I supposed to try to transmute the shit into something that is not shit? Am I supposed to try to stay as far away from the shit as possible? Does the shit have a practical use or is it just decorative? Can I give it away? Can I sell it (and buy something else)? Can I trade it up until I have a castle or an 8-course meal [Japaneseimported Chinese cultural reference]?
I do not understand.
But what I do understand is that I must be one horribly stupid example of a human being, to spend so much time and energy stuck feeling so unhappy and/or feeling so stuck in unhappiness.
God help me.
Oh, well I guess when I was a kid I also wanted to be the President. Then I realized the President is relatively powerless and wanted to be the headmaster of a boarding school. Then I wanted to be the queen of my own country. While I was studying to become a linguist, for many, many moons I was pretty hell-bent on also becoming a neuroscientist and elucidating the actual neural process of learning--I even had some research planned using LSD. I soon understood that I am not brilliant enough for either occupation. Then I wanted to be a diplomat and an envoy working to solve the problems in the Middle East and helping to guide my country to more fully actualizing what it could be. Then I wanted to be a free agent planning and managing development projects and consulting on government and social issues. Now I have no dreams, really. Or too many. Except perhaps to possess unholy wealth and live in a castle that I have been designing for the better part of a decade with my legion of adopted and visiting scholars in our 36-hour-day-dome. Something like that.
As I'm sure is obvious, none of those has come to fruition. And probably never will. Jus' sayin'.
Basically, I just want to do what I want to do. Usually, the only thing stopping me is lack of funds. So I also want a super-lucrative non-demanding position so that I can do what I want to do. If you know of something, do let me know!
P.S. I don't feel like packing. AT ALL.
P.P.S. On a bright note, I made some cupcakes in my spiffy microwave oven and they were actually edible! Also, I've decided that I will take my spiffy microwave oven with me into the countryside. And there is nothing anybody can do about it. And my bookshelves.
T -20 days
[Error: unknown template qotd]
My dream was to feel safe/secure, loved/useful, and happy. I haven't accomplished it.
On a related note, WTF, ppl, WTF? I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with this pile of shit. Am I supposed to play with it? Am I supposed to shape it into something that doesn't look like shit (but still is)? Am I supposed to try to transmute the shit into something that is not shit? Am I supposed to try to stay as far away from the shit as possible? Does the shit have a practical use or is it just decorative? Can I give it away? Can I sell it (and buy something else)? Can I trade it up until I have a castle or an 8-course meal [
I do not understand.
But what I do understand is that I must be one horribly stupid example of a human being, to spend so much time and energy stuck feeling so unhappy and/or feeling so stuck in unhappiness.
God help me.
Oh, well I guess when I was a kid I also wanted to be the President. Then I realized the President is relatively powerless and wanted to be the headmaster of a boarding school. Then I wanted to be the queen of my own country. While I was studying to become a linguist, for many, many moons I was pretty hell-bent on also becoming a neuroscientist and elucidating the actual neural process of learning--I even had some research planned using LSD. I soon understood that I am not brilliant enough for either occupation. Then I wanted to be a diplomat and an envoy working to solve the problems in the Middle East and helping to guide my country to more fully actualizing what it could be. Then I wanted to be a free agent planning and managing development projects and consulting on government and social issues. Now I have no dreams, really. Or too many. Except perhaps to possess unholy wealth and live in a castle that I have been designing for the better part of a decade with my legion of adopted and visiting scholars in our 36-hour-day-dome. Something like that.
As I'm sure is obvious, none of those has come to fruition. And probably never will. Jus' sayin'.
Basically, I just want to do what I want to do. Usually, the only thing stopping me is lack of funds. So I also want a super-lucrative non-demanding position so that I can do what I want to do. If you know of something, do let me know!
P.S. I don't feel like packing. AT ALL.
P.P.S. On a bright note, I made some cupcakes in my spiffy microwave oven and they were actually edible! Also, I've decided that I will take my spiffy microwave oven with me into the countryside. And there is nothing anybody can do about it. And my bookshelves.
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