sjcarpediem: (Default)
( Feb. 6th, 2011 03:08 pm)
Mostly cloudy, 11C (14C)

I'm so frustrated. It's about igo. After months and months, last night and today I logged back in to PandaNet and KGS.

I keep losing. I can make life but I always fall short on territory. But nobody wants to play a 13x13 board...

I know the shape I'm making is heavy and clunky and ugly, but I can't make a good shape. I'm always in gote and it sucks really hard. Whether I play white or black, I always have to respond and never get to initiate. I feel like a complete moron. Seriously. Complete. Moron. And playing more games... I'm just losing more. And I really don't want to be one of those ppl with 18000 losses and 11000 wins and still barely 16kyu... That's not cool. It's not fun. I want to enjoy it, damnit!

I duno what the hell to do to improve. It's pissing me off. My Japanese is so low that reading books on igo theory are too much work and trouble and I can't get through anything. Replaying my own games... not really useful. Maybe I should replay other games... for instance, those played by people who actually know how to play...

Tsumego are fine but don't address the problem of how to actually freaking play. I mean, I get the gist but none of my games ever seem to go that way. That's no good. Why don't they follow the standard sequence of phases!? The only thing I can guess is that lower-level players that I'm matched against don't know enough about it to know they're playing out of order, and I'm too low-level to get games with higher-level players.

On KGS, it's seriously like most of the ppl on there are just throwing stones around thinking, "I'll crush you!"--what about the game!? It's a goddamned game, not a first-person shooter. You have to build it.

I almost want someone sitting next to me to tell me if I'm understanding the board and the moves correctly. I don't want to play another pro until I can at least handle ppl in my own ranking. And I want to progress in the rankings!

I need to be more independent. I need to study more. I need to... somehow... come to some sort of understanding with this that allows it to be fun.


sjcarpediem: (Default)

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