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Mostly clear, 26C (27C)
T -10 days
So about that new address... They thank me for my patience and want me to use the school address if I need to ship anything before the very last minute. Which means I won't know where I'm living until the very last minute. Which pisses me off more than just a little but there's nothing I can do about it.
And my new manager is being... very friendly. Too friendly. What could she possibly want from me that she's being so friendly and casual so quickly?? It makes me suspicious. Certainly not comfortable. We're supposed to be coworkers--and actually she's supposed to be my boss--not bffs. I'm already anxious of being forced into a situation where my "maternal instinct" is going to, necessarily, come under criticism and attack.
I can hear the questions already, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" "why aren't you married?" "don't you just love children?" "aren't babies cute?" and on and on. It's much easier to brush those away under the pretense of maintaining professionalism. I'm not one of those über-charismatic, bubbling-with-energy foreigners.
(The answers to which are : "no man is crazy enough to date me and I'm not interested in women" "it's complicated, but basically the right circumstances have never materialized and will probably never materialize ; no I won't explain to you what those are" "No" "Not particularly")
Ppl... my apartment is not going to have anything I need. It's going to be 'arranged' at the last second. This is going to hurt in more ways than one.
I'm exhausted. I hate packing. I just want to get it done with. However, I have to spend 10 hours a day at the school, half an hour going back and forth, an hour to an hour and a half in the morning to get out the door, 7.5-8.5 hours to sleep, a good hour to get to sleep, and when I get home I just want to take a shower (20-30 minutes) and be somewhere comfortable (i.e. not chaotic/unpleasant), but I also have to make and eat dinner (another 30 minutes). That leaves me with about an hour each day that isn't budgeted just in maintaining a day-to-day "life". I don't want to spend any time at all intentionally fucking up my various systems when I can't even be thinking, in the meantime, about how I'll rebuild them better somewhere else...
I realize that having an address doesn't really change any of that, but it actually has the largest effect on my mentality, which I rely upon to try to make "all that" patheticness above work out with enough efficiency to have some time and energy left over to try to become somewhat less pathetic.
Well, today at least I got all of my new contracts with correct translations. I plan/hope to send it tomorrow.
Then, I need to get through this move.
Then I need to get through the next two weeks (to next payday).
Then I need to get myself as normalized as possible and buckle down.
Then in September I need to resume a horrifying budget of suck.
Over the next three to four months I need to get another huge bill taken care of statesside so that I can finish my application to Birmingham and in the next two to three months get my mother moved.
Through all these months, I need to cross my fingers that my "representative" in the states hasn't been slacking as much as I'm afraid of so that I can still get loans for when I get in to Birmingham.
Then I need to do my best for the next two years and see if I can't do that degree from that institution in less time, meanwhile staying in touch with my 'contacts'.
Then I need to write a thesis and graduate!
Then I need to contact my contacts and get a university job so I can leave this company for greener pastures.
And all the while I have to preserve whatever might be left of my sanity and cultivate myself as a competent, happy person of achievement and confidence. This last part is clearly the most difficult and fraught with challenge...
T -10 days
So about that new address... They thank me for my patience and want me to use the school address if I need to ship anything before the very last minute. Which means I won't know where I'm living until the very last minute. Which pisses me off more than just a little but there's nothing I can do about it.
And my new manager is being... very friendly. Too friendly. What could she possibly want from me that she's being so friendly and casual so quickly?? It makes me suspicious. Certainly not comfortable. We're supposed to be coworkers--and actually she's supposed to be my boss--not bffs. I'm already anxious of being forced into a situation where my "maternal instinct" is going to, necessarily, come under criticism and attack.
I can hear the questions already, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" "why aren't you married?" "don't you just love children?" "aren't babies cute?" and on and on. It's much easier to brush those away under the pretense of maintaining professionalism. I'm not one of those über-charismatic, bubbling-with-energy foreigners.
(The answers to which are : "no man is crazy enough to date me and I'm not interested in women" "it's complicated, but basically the right circumstances have never materialized and will probably never materialize ; no I won't explain to you what those are" "No" "Not particularly")
Ppl... my apartment is not going to have anything I need. It's going to be 'arranged' at the last second. This is going to hurt in more ways than one.
I'm exhausted. I hate packing. I just want to get it done with. However, I have to spend 10 hours a day at the school, half an hour going back and forth, an hour to an hour and a half in the morning to get out the door, 7.5-8.5 hours to sleep, a good hour to get to sleep, and when I get home I just want to take a shower (20-30 minutes) and be somewhere comfortable (i.e. not chaotic/unpleasant), but I also have to make and eat dinner (another 30 minutes). That leaves me with about an hour each day that isn't budgeted just in maintaining a day-to-day "life". I don't want to spend any time at all intentionally fucking up my various systems when I can't even be thinking, in the meantime, about how I'll rebuild them better somewhere else...
I realize that having an address doesn't really change any of that, but it actually has the largest effect on my mentality, which I rely upon to try to make "all that" patheticness above work out with enough efficiency to have some time and energy left over to try to become somewhat less pathetic.
Well, today at least I got all of my new contracts with correct translations. I plan/hope to send it tomorrow.
Then, I need to get through this move.
Then I need to get through the next two weeks (to next payday).
Then I need to get myself as normalized as possible and buckle down.
Then in September I need to resume a horrifying budget of suck.
Over the next three to four months I need to get another huge bill taken care of statesside so that I can finish my application to Birmingham and in the next two to three months get my mother moved.
Through all these months, I need to cross my fingers that my "representative" in the states hasn't been slacking as much as I'm afraid of so that I can still get loans for when I get in to Birmingham.
Then I need to do my best for the next two years and see if I can't do that degree from that institution in less time, meanwhile staying in touch with my 'contacts'.
Then I need to write a thesis and graduate!
Then I need to contact my contacts and get a university job so I can leave this company for greener pastures.
And all the while I have to preserve whatever might be left of my sanity and cultivate myself as a competent, happy person of achievement and confidence. This last part is clearly the most difficult and fraught with challenge...
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