(no subject)

[sjcarpediem]

Light rain, 21C (19C)

I do not understand why I'm so bent on destroying myself. It doesn't start out that way. I really need to give up something I'm so terrible at....

My day off is completely ruined. Completely. And now I've got to get through the next week like this.

I've never wanted to go home quite as much as I do, now. Even knowing that "going home" is no solution to anything. And that this "home" I want to go to is something in my imagination, only.

Comments

[bowtomecha.livejournal.com]

its going to be entirely hypocritical of me to ask for you to clarify. heh. but please clarify.

where is home to you anyways? i remember you were out of here like a bat out of hell.

[sjcarpediem.livejournal.com]

I guess the best clarification I can give is that I'm a hopeless idiot, for whatever reason, no matter what. I end up in this crazy loop whereby I seem to be trying to fuck my own life up as much as humanly possible through exercising poor choice, ultimately, it would seem, intended to lead to my own self-destruction.... But I'm also pretty incompetent, so it never quite works out. I don't really get it so it's difficult to explain.

I don't have a home. Not that I know of, anyway.