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Cloudy, 14C (12C)
Strength matters
When I was a kid, or growing up, or whatever that time in my life before the age of twelve can be called, my mom used to sign her letters to me "be smart and strong". She wrote a lot of letters, then, so she signed them often. In the car one day she explained why she signed them that way. "I want you to be smart enough to know your way, and strong enough to stay on it."
"Strength" in my family always referred to personal character, to will, to related abstract traits and qualities. A strong person could come in any kind of body, and that strength was always a higher priority than that of the container. People were only admired for their physical strength after they'd shown strength of intellect, of morality, etc and without that abstract strength no other strength mattered. Strength is an abstract thing, not a physical thing. It always has been. And strength was always a paramount concern in conducting and establishing oneself. Nearly pathologically.
So if you say to me, "you are weak" I can look on you with a kindhearted pity that you don't know any better and I'll treat you more gently and take more painstaking care of you because you are obviously frail.
But if you say to me, "you are strong" I remember moments I was weak (or at least not strong enough) and all the ways I could (and, arguably, should) be stronger and I'll regard you with hostility for hurting me (and myself with hatred for various other reasons).
Besides, nobody who's said the latter to me has known me well enough to make such a statement and I also find that very irritating because they're obviously using a different and inferior understanding of "strength" to judge me by. That word they use, it doesn't mean what they think it does.
This observation brought to you by further elucidation of the causes and reasons I shouldn't drink in Japanese contexts.
More to do with work
So, I'm sure I mentioned here before that from November 1st my school is no longer GEOS, but NOVA. Well, now it's not even NOVA, really. I'll officially be "on loan" for a probationary period of three months to a subsidiary company which runs juku (cram schools) ; until they decide just what to do. My wages will be re-decided sometime in January. Id est, nobody knows what's going on just that it's changing, and--by necessity--drastically.
Oh, and everybody's quitting. Except me. See next item.
More to do with that recent incident that's a secret
It may cost me all of my savings. See above for even more reasons to be freaked the fuck out about all of this.
And latter but not lesser, health
I've run myself flaming into the ground with too much stress, too much alcohol in too short a time, too much smoking on one of those occasions, too much physical trauma, and not enough rest and recuperation between them all and now have contracted one of the childrens' diseases. I still have lots of bruises ; but I can't tell anymore if the body aches are sore muscles from overexertion or generalized sore muscles from the illness. It should linger for a while and pass just as soon as I calm the fuck down since it's probably about 70% psychosomatic.
Strange cravings
I really want creamy garlic tomato soup and a sourdough grilled cheese sandwich made with white cheeses. But I can't have it. :-(
I'm sick of this debate
I keep getting into discussions lately on evolutionism/darwinism and creationism. People are pissing me off with their narrow-mindedness and I don't want to be pissed off by them, nor be forced to consider them as narrow-minded. I would much rather esteem them as intelligent people who follow the logic even when it leads them into unfamiliar/uncomfortable territory rather than their non-specific emotions of cowardice which keep them securely hedged in to where they feel safe but are also intolerably ignorant.
I do believe this post is nearly finished
God help me.
Strength matters
When I was a kid, or growing up, or whatever that time in my life before the age of twelve can be called, my mom used to sign her letters to me "be smart and strong". She wrote a lot of letters, then, so she signed them often. In the car one day she explained why she signed them that way. "I want you to be smart enough to know your way, and strong enough to stay on it."
"Strength" in my family always referred to personal character, to will, to related abstract traits and qualities. A strong person could come in any kind of body, and that strength was always a higher priority than that of the container. People were only admired for their physical strength after they'd shown strength of intellect, of morality, etc and without that abstract strength no other strength mattered. Strength is an abstract thing, not a physical thing. It always has been. And strength was always a paramount concern in conducting and establishing oneself. Nearly pathologically.
So if you say to me, "you are weak" I can look on you with a kindhearted pity that you don't know any better and I'll treat you more gently and take more painstaking care of you because you are obviously frail.
But if you say to me, "you are strong" I remember moments I was weak (or at least not strong enough) and all the ways I could (and, arguably, should) be stronger and I'll regard you with hostility for hurting me (and myself with hatred for various other reasons).
Besides, nobody who's said the latter to me has known me well enough to make such a statement and I also find that very irritating because they're obviously using a different and inferior understanding of "strength" to judge me by. That word they use, it doesn't mean what they think it does.
This observation brought to you by further elucidation of the causes and reasons I shouldn't drink in Japanese contexts.
More to do with work
So, I'm sure I mentioned here before that from November 1st my school is no longer GEOS, but NOVA. Well, now it's not even NOVA, really. I'll officially be "on loan" for a probationary period of three months to a subsidiary company which runs juku (cram schools) ; until they decide just what to do. My wages will be re-decided sometime in January. Id est, nobody knows what's going on just that it's changing, and--by necessity--drastically.
Oh, and everybody's quitting. Except me. See next item.
More to do with that recent incident that's a secret
It may cost me all of my savings. See above for even more reasons to be freaked the fuck out about all of this.
And latter but not lesser, health
I've run myself flaming into the ground with too much stress, too much alcohol in too short a time, too much smoking on one of those occasions, too much physical trauma, and not enough rest and recuperation between them all and now have contracted one of the childrens' diseases. I still have lots of bruises ; but I can't tell anymore if the body aches are sore muscles from overexertion or generalized sore muscles from the illness. It should linger for a while and pass just as soon as I calm the fuck down since it's probably about 70% psychosomatic.
Strange cravings
I really want creamy garlic tomato soup and a sourdough grilled cheese sandwich made with white cheeses. But I can't have it. :-(
I'm sick of this debate
I keep getting into discussions lately on evolutionism/darwinism and creationism. People are pissing me off with their narrow-mindedness and I don't want to be pissed off by them, nor be forced to consider them as narrow-minded. I would much rather esteem them as intelligent people who follow the logic even when it leads them into unfamiliar/uncomfortable territory rather than their non-specific emotions of cowardice which keep them securely hedged in to where they feel safe but are also intolerably ignorant.
I do believe this post is nearly finished
God help me.
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