(no subject)

Light rain, 21C (19C)

I do not understand why I'm so bent on destroying myself. It doesn't start out that way. I really need to give up something I'm so terrible at....

My day off is completely ruined. Completely. And now I've got to get through the next week like this.

I've never wanted to go home quite as much as I do, now. Even knowing that "going home" is no solution to anything. And that this "home" I want to go to is something in my imagination, only.

(no subject)

Rainy, 18C (14C)

I have such bad feelings about tomorrow, but it'll come no matter what. I just hope it leaves me better than it meets me. Etc. Maybe it's not really so bad. Maybe it's just the leftovers from last night.

I also hope I can grow the fuck up and stop making such idiotic decisions all the time. Seriously. This shit is ridiculous for an 18-year-old, getting pathetic in a 22-year-old, and just not even close to acceptable for a 28-year-old. But, then, on that note, I'm not really sure what would be better other than maybe just... not.

I think maybe spending all this time alone/on my own is getting to me on deeper levels than it has previously.