sjcarpediem: (Default)
( Mar. 24th, 2011 01:26 pm)
Light snow, 6C (10C)

Divine providence is certainly... remarkable.

  • If I had gotten into the Peace Corps, I wouldn't have returned to my mother's house--we wouldn't have the relationship we have now--and I wouldn't have run away to the middle east and wouldn't have gone back to college, I wouldn't have studied in France.
  • If I had gotten into the Foreign Service, I would be in government, now, as a diplomat. I'd have sold out by now, almost certainly.
  • If I had gotten into JET, I would probably have been sent to Tohoku, I wouldn't have lived in Kobe, wouldn't have gone through those bankruptcies, wouldn't have got myself another job, wouldn't have got myself into graduate school. I could well be dead, now, since I probably would have been satisfied enough with the wages to not look so hard for another way of making my living.
  • If I had gotten into TAU, I would be in the middle east right now, in the middle of all of that [exciting] stuff I've been predicting since I was a child, about to embark on my career.

So, obviously, none of these things happened. So I returned to my mother's house, ran away to the middle east, studied in France, I am not in government, am not a diplomat, have somewhat preserved my freedom of thought and action, I was not sent to Northern Japan, did live in Kobe, did go through those bankruptcies, did get myself another job, did get into graduate school (to become a teacher, of all things!), I did not get into TAU, am not in the middle east right now (though I'd esp like to be in Israel right now...).

Apparently, I was meant to have a good relationship with my mother, to have experience in both fleeing and returning, to have lived in many countries as well as many cities and regions, to preserve myself, to go through upheaval, to land on my feet.

I was not meant to serve my country formally (in either the Peace Corps or the Foreign Service), I was not meant to stay in one place, I was not meant to have my way and be in the middle of things.

I don't know what that all means.... but having racked up all these precedents I feel somewhat more willing, now, to try to accept that things not going my way isn't the end of the world....

But I'll still try.


sjcarpediem: (Default)

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